Interview with Mistress Illucia by Raven Dice for Doma Magazine
1. First of all my compliments about your outfit. Do you always wear rubber and what does it do for you? Do you also wear leather or patent leather?
Yes, I always wear rubber. This material enhances my feeling of dominance. When I put it on, I somehow feel better and more powerful. The shine of it, the softness and tightness on my skin feels heavenly. Mind you, I also wear leather. I have a few garments in leather too. But it gives me a different feeling from rubber and that's why I prefer rubber.
I gladly accept compliments, so thanks.
2. What's your fascination in BDSM? When did you start doing something with it?
I seem to have always had the feeling of dominance in me, but I had never recognized it as such. I also never met people who did anything with it and therefore couldn't. All this changed when I met my current partner and he advised me to something in the SM scene. He also told me that he recognized something in me, but he gave me every possibility to find this out in my own time. With him I visited my first parties and a whole new world opened up to me. I felt at home and knew this was it for me. By the way, I have always had the urge to be different and stand out in the crowd through my clothing. In this world I could do this very well and are appreciated for this.
3. Do you also have favourite occupations regarding BDSM? What do you like most and can give you a tremendous kick?
I don't really have favourite occupations, I find a lot of expects of BDSM very fascinating. But what gives me an enormous rush is when a submission is sincere and truthful and a session "runs" very naturally. Sometimes I am thinking out beforehand what I want to do during a session, but if I have a certain click with somebody and the chemistry is almost physical, everything plans itself and all sense of time is lost. When I see that the client loses him/herself in this, I do enjoy this very much and want the session to be endless.
4. Do you sometimes have problems playing with strangers? As a commercial Mistress you must see that a lot don't you?
On the whole, I do not have a lot of problems with strangers. In a session I can clearly define between work and private life. This works for me. In private I play with people with whom I already have a special bond or a past and place or time doesn't really matter. As a commercial Mistress you have to deal with different things. When somebody has a relationship it will be awkward to come home with lashes or other marks. This can sometimes be a limit in the game, but will never be a hindrance to me. I then use my creativity to create a good session in which we both can get as much pleasure as possible.
5. What's important for you during a session? Will you say this in front to people or do you tell this when things happen?
What is very important to me during a session is the interaction between me as a Mistress and the other as a slave. I also play with women, why not? I like to get reactions during a game so I can react on that if I so choose. If reactions are lacking, I am inclined to speak my mind and to make it clear that reacting to the game is important to me and for the session. When the other can still give hardly any reaction, or withholds me from feedback, I'm not afraid to stop the session and have a conversation about this.
6. Are you 24/7 busy with BDSM? Do you also have other hobbies that have nothing to do with this and if so what are they?
I certainly don't do BDSM the whole day. Look, when I read my e-mails and answer telephone calls from people who are interested in the morning I am busy with it. When I play a commercial session or privately take somebody under my protection, BDSM takes over. But just as important to me is eating out with friends, rumble about at home, going shopping or having lunch with girlfriends. Then there are relatives who like to give birthday parties they want you to attend or loved ones who need a little extra care or attention. Of course I make time for that and I'm realising that there is more to life than just BDSM. It keeps me down to earth and the better for it! I am a human being with emotions and feelings too and have lesser days when I hang my shoulders. Then I need an understanding look, an encouraging word or a warm hug. I do not want to be highly elevated above others. I am a woman who loves BDSM and holds the reins but can also thoroughly enjoy the fact not to hold the reins for a while but to put them down and do something completely different.
7. Are you sometimes recognized during occasions that has nothing to do with SM? How do you handle this?
Sure I am sometimes recognized. For instance when I am walking in the supermarket and a person tries to catch my attention by trying to gain eye contact. It could be that I played a session with that person or more for that matter. Or maybe we met at a party or that person visited my website. This is what I chose for and means that I can (will) be recognized by others. That's part of the game and you will not hear one complaint from me. However, I will always be discrete when I recognize somebody myself. That person may have a relation or doesn't want to get, or give, any glance of recognition outside the sessions. That has to do with respect and that is important to me.
8. Do you sometimes use your dominance in a situation where it suits? I mean manipulation isn't strange for me either but I fear I'm not the only one?
Yes, I certainly use that now and then, and why not? I happen to have this quality some people are susceptible to. So why should I run to get drinks for instance, when there are people around who love to do this for me? Even in ordinary situations I try to apply my power to those who are susceptible to it, for I am very good at delegating and of course my dominance and natural overbalance helps.
9. Are there, without calling any specifics, sessions or persons that kept you in mind and if so why? What was so special about it?
I have one slave I have played with for quite some time. With him I have a certain chemistry and I can do what I want with him. I can loose my energy in him and he session and I also receive energy from him in return. That is very special, because it gives me wings and we can take it one step further. Every time we meet I ponder on the specialty of this relation.
What stuck to me in quite a different way is a slave who came up with a fantasy I had never heard of before. He wanted me to squash a little bird with my high heels. He wanted to watch this from up close. I think he wanted to see if I, in his eyes, had enough guts to just do this without a thought of the aspects of life and death. I naturally refused to do this, but such a request sticks with me.
Oh and what stuck to me too from my early days as a commercial Mistress is when a slave lay on a bondage-bench and I was leaning on the foot-end to address the slave. I had no idea of the possibilities of that particular bondage-bench and the division of the weights of it. So as I leaned the bench fell over with the slave still tied to it. Luckily it only gave us a fright and we ended in an enormous outburst of laughter. This only happened once, you immediately learn from this.
10. Do you sometimes get emotional during a session and how do you handle this? Did you sometimes have butterflies from a commercial slave or the other way round.... was a commercial slave fallen for you?
I am aware of the fact that certain slaves develop and cherish deep feelings for me and this flatters me very much. Every person likes to be loved so I can really enjoy this. I just enjoy this from a distance because when you get to involved in this it can disturb the Mistress/slave relation to my opinion.
What gets me emotionally involved is when a person tells me private things about relationships or health. Sometimes I hear complete life stories or an insight in the person him/herself and that gets to me. Some people coming in are very closed, somewhat at a distance and very uncommunicative about the fantasy they want to experience. When after the session this person tells me, almost in tears, that it was a dream come true and that the longing for this has been for to long, I can get emotional. I am a human being of flesh and blood and luckily I have emotions too.
11. You already told that you like to go out within the SM-scene at home and abroad. Let's stick at home and would you like to tell the readers of what kind of nights you like? What's important for you when you go out?
For me, a party is a party when there are a lot of SM lovers present who go for a night full of passion, the lashes crack and the people really have an SM feeling in them. When the attires are fully adapted to the party or the dress code, the fetish lovers can do their stuff and really take the opportunity. In any case I get this SM feeling at parties like Siberia, but at Boudoir and club or couples nights at Club Doma too. Special attention to the exterior of the party and the right feeling is something I can enjoy very much.
12. The parties abroad. How different are they from the ones in the Netherlands? Would you like to bring something from them to the Dutch SM-scene and if so what and why?
The mentality abroad is quite different from the one in the Netherlands. In the Netherlands it sometimes seems the Mistresses should be at the service of the slaves who most of the time have an enormous list with wishes and even demands. Abroad it seems to me that, whenever I go to a party, the slaves have had a real education. They know how to be submissive. The look more at ease in their behaviour and know what it is to be respectful to a Mistress.
13. What can bother you a lot and is a reason for you to quit a session immediately?
Whenever anybody interrupts my session by giving me directions how to do something or what my next step should be. For me that is a reason to stop the session. For it is me who decides how a session is played (within premeditated boundaries). After the session has started, I demand a complete surrender by the slave and trust in my experience, skills and creativity. If this faith in me is lacking and the slave doesn't want to try this, it is end of session for me.
14. How do you see yourself in twenty years time? Are you still a Mistress or will you do something completely different?
Of course I can't see into the future about my health etc. but I am and will always be a Mistress because this is an essential part of me. If I will continue to be working as a commercial Mistress remains to be seen. When I look at the developments of the past few years it bothers me that more and more Mistresses are just going for the money. It seems that because of that things are sometimes allowed which I personally don't see fit to do with a slave I have no personal relation with. I have my own ideas en feelings on commercial SM and will always be faithful to those. It may be that, in time, I shall cast my commercial whip aside and what I am going to do after that, we will see.
15. Do you have a relationship and what does he think of you being a commercial Mistress? Does he sometimes have feelings of jealousy?
Yes, I do have a relationship, which is very stable. Stable enough to be working in the commercial SM-world. Amongst other things this is possible because of the mutual trust we have in each other. We highly value to be open and honest to each other. If in the future my partner would be less comfortable with it that would be a reason for me to stop right away too.
16. We are now at Club Doma where you give your commercial sessions. They organise also club nights and couples nights. When you are present at these nights does it feel like work or can you relax and enjoy the evening?
The boundary between work and privacy is very thin when visiting a night like that. This is of course where I work. This is where I have had many an exiting hour with many more to come. But on the other hand a night like that is a perfect opportunity to meet old friends. You can meet new people too. What is more, on an evening like that, I like to welter in all the attention I get and deserve.
17. At Club Doma there are several Mistresses present. Does it feel like competition and how do you handle this? Are you helping each other in the commercial SM-world? Are you also talking about private matters or do you see each other in private?
The atmosphere is very good; it has to be because we want to feel comfortable together. Sometimes you do sessions together and when the feelings between the Mistresses are not OK, this can be noticed and influence the game negatively. We also talk to each other about different subjects that are often not linked to BDSM at all. Sometimes you have spicy discussions, sometimes-terrible fits of laughter. Of course we talk a lot about the developments in SM-country. We don't see each other every other day, but we can always count on each other and that is good to know. Some I run in to when I go out and we know each others partners. On some holidays there is a lot of solidarity and we share many happy hours together. As a matter of fact there isn't hardly any jealousy or competition between the Mistresses and the slaves.
18. Did someone come to you with a fantasy/wish that shocked you? Will you tell something about this to our readers?
No, up till now I have never been shocked by a wish or fantasy. Of course you read a lot in newspapers and on the Internet, so you know certain things happen that will go against the grain. Moreover, I know now that not every fantasy has to become a reality. Some fantasies have to stay what they are, a fantasy. This will keep it safe and exciting at the same time.
See question 9. I have once heard of a fantasy that made me scratch my head. I had never heard of such a fantasy. He wanted me to squash a little bird with my high heels. He wanted to watch this from up close. I think he wanted to see if I, in his eyes, had enough guts to just do this without a thought of the aspects of life and death. I naturally refused to do this, but such a request sticks with me.
19. Does a Mistress sometimes get presents from slaves? Do you also have a wish-list which slaves can you choose of when they have no clue what to give to their Mistress?
I receive a lot of flowers and every time I am truly happy with them. I enjoy the fact that someone has thought of this, that someone wanted to put me in a mild mood or just wanted to spoil me with something precious. If someone really wanted to throw of my feet with a gift, diamonds or designer shoes (size 39,5 for me please) would do the trick but I fear that such a person hasn't been born yet.
20. What would you Doma magazine readers still want to give regarding BDSM?
I would say: Give yourself the possibility to explore and gain experience. Take good care of yourself and always respect others and yourself. Trying to be yourself is something I try to do as much as possible. From a commercial point of view, following your own ideas might not be the most sensible thing to, but so be it. I refuse to compromise for money, my feeling or ideas. If that should mean that I would lose business as a commercial Mistress, so be it. I am who I am and everybody has to deal with that. Because I always stick to my principles most people know what I think of certain things and the images I have of that. I refuse to deny myself for the approval of others. I believe more people should do so. Enjoy life, it is short.
"Take it or leave it", is something I say to slaves who come to me with an enormous list, when I lecture them. Be loyal to yourself and don't forget to coddle yourself with the things that make you happy.
You see readers. It was an openhearted and warm interview with this remarkable woman who was not mincing her words. I thanked her sincerely with a big kiss and thought it was very special to get to know her. Most of all because she put her trust in me and spoke of her feelings and thoughts. We have agreed to meet again and talk a bit longer (I hear you think, longer still?) and I am invited by her to visit a session.
As a writer I will not say no to such an invitation, not in the least because, I told you at the start of this interview, this world interest me endlessly.
Until next time!